The Orphanage | Megan

Picking a blog pot topic can be kind of tricky, but I journaled about 18 pages for the Orphanage day and thought that it would be an interesting topic to write about and share with you all. All of this is straight from my journal, but some parts have been left out because not all of you need to know every single detail from the day.

The Orphanage. Oh man. Erica had mentioned at Monica and Mateo’s that we might be going to the Orphanage this weekend with lots of winks to make it seem like she wasn’t telling us, when really she was, but now it’s real and we are leaving really soon.

This morning before we left I was feeling pretty nervous, but also excited. I got more nervous when we were sitting a circle and Rachael was talking to us about how the day would sort of go and reading us Lauren B. email. The nerves settled a bit on the two hour bus ride but I think that only happened because Nicole and I made bracelets and talked to each other the whole way. Anyways, once we pulled up to the outside of actual Orphanage building my mind and body went crazy. I got really hot and my stomach went in knots and seeing one little boy standing out the window made it even worse, like I was almost in tears then and there. And to make maters worse only Erica and Rachael went inside the Orphanage to make sure everything was okay I guess and so we just had to wait in the bus for them to come back. It was horrible. We just sat waiting for them and circled around the building once or twice more. By this point I was having a bit of a silent mental breakdown because I really wanted to go in but I was still scared. Finally after the second time around the building/street the gate opened and the bus was able to back into the Orphanage building. We were pleasantly greeted by a boy in a yellow shirt screaming with his arms in the air “Yaaaaaa” which really calmed my fears and nerves a tad.

Rachael announced the partners (because you are supposed to stay with a partner for the first hour of the day just in case you need someone to comfort you or talk to) right before we got off the bus which would be supportive of each other if either of us needed it. 

So we started off in the room where a lot of the other TD kids were. Walking into the room was strange and I’m not really sure how I felt seeing all the children just lying in bed without anywhere to go or the ability to go anywhere. Some kids looked like they had Down Syndrome while others had physical disabilities that varied. There were also kids who were just lying on the sidewalk around the Orphanage which was hard to see. Jordan and I kind of just walked around the room and I think both of weren’t really sure what to do or where to go. I started just touching kids hands to see if I would get a reaction out of them or some sort of acknowledgement to my touch. How does God let this happen to such innocent children? Why are these kids stuck with these disabilities and have to suffer so much when I get to live so freely? I’m not really mad or angry at God, but more just curious and so if I get the chance to talk to God someday I’m going to ask Him these questions.

The first child that I actually interacted with was an adorable little boy who’s name I don’t now because he was to young to talk. I wasn’t really sure what was ‘wrong’ with him either. Really he just held my finger for a while, but I was content with that. While this was going on I noticed that Jordan was just kind of walking around not looking to excited or engaged so I offered to go to the next room with him. We walked around the whole Orphanage and then I think Jordan was handed a wheelchair with a young boy sitting in it. So Jordan pushed the boy around and I walked beside him, but I felt pretty useless because I literally was just walking. No interactions with the kids at all. As we were walking I saw a young girl whose legs were very skinny and bent in a awkward way. I sat/crouched down beside her, but was very hesitant to pick her up. Thinking back now that was really stupid of me, but in the moment I wasn’t actually sure if I would be able to pick her up or not.But she was just sitting on the ground and she looked so fragile. I put my arms out as to offer to pick her up. She responded immediately with throwing her hands up and so yes, I finally picked her up. And she was light. Like 6 month old baby light. And I also wasn’t really sure if she was a girl until I was told her name and then it was confirmed when I went with her when she was given a shower/rinse down. One of the nurses motioned for her to come back into her room so I put her back on the ground and she bum scooted over to the closet in her room. The nurse pulled out a new set of clothes for her and then grabbed her arm to drag her over to the bathroom. I felt bad for the girl (Who’s name I found out was Ava, so I’ll use that from now on.) So I grabbed her other arm and together with the nurse we dragged Ava along the floor to the bathroom. I guess for Ava that was amazing because she burst out in laughter and had a huge smile on her face. We brought her into the bathroom and the nurse started undressing her. Ava held my hand for part of it, but still was able to take her shirt off my herself. The the nurse picked her up and brought her tub to bathe her. I wasn’t really sure if I should go watch, stay where I was which was on the other side of a wall from the tub, or leave entirely to go make sure Jordan was still doing all right. I decided within those 10 seconds that i would go see what was happening with the bathing situation. I was surprised to see Ava yet again giggling and smiling and having the time of her life. The nurse probably only bathed her for 2 minutes, and it was a quick rub down with soap and then spray off with water.After that experience Ava went back to the bathroom floor to put on her clean orange pants and white shirt. She also got two diapers put on her which was interesting. Maybe because her legs don’t work some other things don’t work either. Anyhow, after she was clean I picked her back up and we walked outside. We walked around the Orphanage for a little while and then I decided that I actually should go find Jordan in case he was frustrated or needed a hug, but I found him in the room we started in making a boy in bed laugh and smile like crazy. He was tickling him and making faces and I was glad he was having a good time and I didn’t feel like a bad partner anymore for ditching him. I left because I knew he was good, and I also saw that lunch was being brought to different rooms. We went back to Ava’s room and sure enough there was a plate of rice, peas, and a small slice of chicken in a tin plat waiting for her. I picked up the plate and asked Ava “Donde?” which means ‘where,’ because I wasn’t sure where she was wanting to eat. She simply just waved her hand in the direction of a patio sort of area and so in that direction we went. We ended up sitting in the middle of the space and I slowly fed her her meal. She always wanted multiple spoonfuls of food, but she wouldn’t be done what was just in her mouth, and so it was a bit of a struggle to feed her small bites so she wouldn’t choke. We sat there or a few minutes until she decided to bum scoot a few feet away from me, and so I bum scooted after her, and a little game started. We bum scooted all the way to one of the corners of the patio thing where on the other side of the fence that lined the whole edge of the patio, Brian and a young boy were hanging out. Turns out there were baby chicks there and Brian was trying to catch one and put it in a box. I caught one to show Ava because I wasn’t really sure if she wanted to see one or not, but when I brought it closer to her she didn’t want to touch it. Through all this I was still feeding Ava small bites of her lunch. Soon the little boy came to my side of the fence and watched the chicks with us. Brian went to go chill with another kid who was on the patio, and so now I had two friends! I would feed Ava and tickle her leg and then catch a chick for the little boy to pet for a few minutes and then shoo away. He would make flapping motions with his arms and then push the chick to the edge of the curb to watch it jump off and flap its wings. I had also stopped tickling Ava’s leg for a few moments and she pulled my hand back to her leg to keep going. She was also touching my leg and it made me a little upset because look at my fat/muscular legs that are able to move and walk and then look at hers that just can’t. All though lunch all the other TD kids were either gone to eat or just not around and so it was quiet and not a lot of people were around us. A song that popped into my mind was ‘Unchangeable’ by Matthew West. The part that I kept replaying was “You’re not a mistake, I know the plans I have for you, to give you a hope, and a future something something something you are wonderfully wonderfully made.” Singing that to Ava made me cry. I didn’t want to burs out into tears because I wasn’t sure how she would react to it or how she would handle it. So eventually the signing had to turn into humming because it was to hard to actually sing the words. But she won’t know the difference.

Ava wanted to leave the patio and so she led me back to her room and to her friends bed. Emily was already with Ava’s friend and Ava wanted to sit down with her, and so we did. Ava, Em, Mary (Which I think was the friends name) and me. I was still feeding Ava, and then Mary wanted some, and Ava was okay with it so I also fed Mary. Apparently I wasn’t the best at feeding both of them because Ava took the spoon from my hand and started feeding Mary herself. Ava was quite a sassy girl and Mary was talking to her all excited and giddy like and then Ava just responded with a sassy ‘no.’ 

I skipped my own lunch today because I didn’t have the heart to put her down and I didn’t want to leave her. And so I stuck with her as long as physically possible.

A lot of the rest of the day was spent with me just waking around in circles with Ava. I would ask her ‘donde?’ and she would either swing her arm in the direction she wanted to go or be her sassy self and just purse her lips in the direction she wanted to go. What a girl. Something interesting that happened during our walks, or at least I found interesting was that she always wanted to slide her hand along the railing of the fence, or she would want to reach up and touch the leaves on the small trees that were there. I’m not sure if I find it heartbreaking that she may have never touched those things before or amazed at how curious and excited she was to touch everything.

There was also an older man at the Orphanage who is known to me as Dory’s boyfriend because at one point in time, he was Dory’s boyfriend, but Ava (who is probably 7-10 years old) and him had a pretty abusive relationship. They would hit each other and slap each others faces and you’d think they would be in pain but somehow they both found great joy in it. Ava and I would be walking away and Dory’s boyfriend would tell me to ‘Shush’ and then he would slap her on the head. They have a strange friendship that’s for sure.

A game that started suddenly between the 3 of us was that Ava and I would walk down a hallway and then outside to a barred off porch area. I would set Ava down on the ledge and she would sit there with her arms around my waist for a few moments. Then Dory’s boyfriend would come limping in and they would both start laughing. He would come closer, I would pick Ava back up, and Ava would grab onto his shirt collar (And burst out laughing) and then drag/walk him back down the hall and onto the pink leather couch that was set up outside. This game went on for a while and judging by their smiles they were enjoying themselves. Soon the game turned into me walking up the stairs instead of going outside, and so when Dory’s boyfriend came and screamed we would book it down the stairs to him and the laughs hat came out of her mouth during and after running down the stairs were priceless. And then we would again pull Dory’s boyfriend back to the pink couch. Then soon after that Dory’s boyfriend would grab Ava’s collar as well as so when we dragged him back all three of us had to fall onto the couch. I think Ava had a head injury a sometime in her life because she had just hit her head on the couch and a nurse came and pointed at the back of her head and there was a scar there. I wish I could have asked her what happened, but my Spanish is terrible so I wouldn’t have been able to understand anything.

The rest of the afternoon was the three of us playing that game. Ava also got great joy out of putting her hand on the security guards shoulder and following him around while he walked. It was also comforting to see the security guard react so kindly to Ava’s actions. He smiled at her and held her hand and asked Ava if she had made a new friend.

Being told we had to leave the Orphanage was hard. As much as my arm was numb because she was only comfortable sitting on one side of my body, I wanted to stay with Ava with all my heart. I slowly made my way back to her room singing our two note song  that we would repeat to each other. I wasn’t sure how she would react to me putting her down, but I was pleasantly surprised when I entered her room and one of the older girls in a wheelchair approached us with open arms beckoning for Ava to come to her. I was so glad Ava had other kids in the Orphanage with her that love her anbd treat her like family.

Walking to the bus Bethani asked how I was doing and I quietly responded ‘I’m good,’ when really I wanted to cry and go back to Ava. I walked to the back of the bus and sat beside Alex and she asked me as well how I was and I responded the same way. The whole ride home everyone sat in silence, either trying to sleep, or contemplating what had just happened today. I tried to sleep but got no where far with that. Ava and all that I had seen today was on my mind. 

The Orphanage was an amazing experience and I’m so glad we get to go through it with the DR group. Some people were struggling with whether they thought it was a happy or sad day. One point that was made at circle time tonight was that we need to look at it from a Dominican point of view, not Canadian. If the Orphanage wasn’t here these kids would be in a much worse state, or possibly dead. Everyday they have nurses come and feed them, clean them, and care for them. Thinking back to everything that happened today, I believe that the Orphanage is a beautiful place and is a blessing to all the children that are there.